First of all, my life from the beginning. I did loads of stupid things when I was a little kid, and some stuff has followed me to who I am now, some that made me different in a good way and others in a bad way. I don't get to a lot of stuff that I want to watch on video (in the past) and dvd (now). I like anime and manga a lot, I like writing my own stories and poems and lately I've been playing the keyboard. I finished playing the keyboard when I was about 8 and I started again about a month ago and I can play with both hands and I can play chords, which is quite outstanding because I never thought I would be as good as what I am, but I'm not brilliant at it I don't think. Okay, now onto life as it is now, well, from high school to now. When I began high school, I was really quiet and after days or weeks, I'm not sure, I was acting quite strange. I began to say random stuff and make noises, I didn't know why I did it, I guess it's a way of me coping with the bullying in the past, it wasn't terrible the bullying, but my mind always seems to exaggerate my feelings and I kind of become destructive in many ways. There were people who liked me and people who didn't. So as you can imagine, the bullying carried on from the people who don't like me. I carried on acting the same way for two years (OMG...) and almost everyone hated me. I started to slowly become more and more quiet. It was in the middle of year 9 that I became really quiet and secluded in my own thoughts and imaginations. It was at about the start of the third term of school that a sudden thought of imagination that brought me to develop the story I'm writing right now. I believe that things happen for a reason and I started to write the story. After writing the first page, I thought about how terrible it was, so I ditched it and started fresh, I took a massive amount of time thinking about ideas for the story and when I wrote the prologue for the story, I was really pleased with it, it gives you an idea about what the story is about and I carried on from there. The bullying carried on, but not as badly, but still my mind was as crazy as it was at the peak of the bullying. I felt terribly different, I change easily, at one point I'm acting really stupid, and then I'm saying funny things which make people laugh and at another point I'm really quiet, I don't allow myself to speak or do something stupid and I become really sensitive to everything, my emotions are numb and if people push me so much, I get really upset. When I'm that stupid person, I'm screaming at myself to stop, not literally, but I do become silently insane. I do become insane, I cut and scratch myself until I bleed, I hit myself, I hit my head on the walls and tables and I punch the walls. I confuse myself over different fellings like I don't want friends but then I do, I hate myself for who I am and then I like who I am, I want to kill myself and then again I don't want to, I'm not scared of pain but then I am, I feel like I deserve every bad thing to happen to me but then I don't want anything bad to happen to me. My life is so confusing and I can never understand myself. That's all for now, I'll be posting errm... stuff and about what's going on. Starting, well, now.